Top 6 Reasons Why People Stay in an Abusive Relationship
Top 6 reasons why people stay in an abusive relationship:
1. For the kids
It’s very contradictory when I hear people say that. On one hand we try and tell our children that abuse is not OK. On the other hand, by living in an abusive relationship, you’re contradicting yourself and telling them that’s it’s OK. Kids get mixed signals and since actions speak louder than words, they tend to do what you do, not what you say. So you’re telling them abuse is OK. They might choose either side, to tolerate or to inflict. But they will never know any other way to deal with issues. And anyone who tells me they grew up in an abusive relationship and turned out OK, no you did not. Your definition of normal has fallen to such a low level that you believe abuse is OK and perhaps the only way to deal with things. No you did not turn out OK.
2. Financial Dependency
But aren’t we in the modern era. Don’t we have support groups and so many non profit organizations to help you through. At least trying to find out your options is the first thing. You could start with a list of options available in your by searching ” domestic abuse support groups” or “domestic abuse non profit organizations”. I understand there might be times when internet is not available or not an option. It’s better to go to the nearest police station in that scenario.
3. Got used to it
Perhaps it’s become a way of life. This is perhaps one of the things that most people say and feel. Creating discomfort in your life takes courage. A lot of courage. It’s sometimes easier to just stay and sulk instead of taking a step to a better future. Looking for other means of support is temporary. Talking to your close, loved ones is all temporary. They can’t and will not come to your rescue. All they can do is listen to you and feel helpless. Because if you don’t want the change, they can’t do anything. And if they don’t want to help you with the change, then you have to protect yourself.
4. Society has a low level of “norm”
In some societies, people are publicly slapped. Some societies encourage violence. At a certain point, the Nazis felt it was “normal” to kill innocent people. Doesn’t make it right. If you’re in an abusive relationship and your society thinks it’s ok, then that’s a huge issue. In that scenario, only and only an escape strategy would be of help. Because people set a particular norm definition and laws and rules of a country are more or less chosen by the people (yes morons have the right to vote too, what can you do), the only way is to leave that society. I’m sorry this is a terrible situation and I can’t point you to a solution. But understanding the problem might help you find something that works for you.
5. Guilt and Fear
What will my significant other do? Maybe I provoked him/her? Maybe I’m a bad person? Maybe I wasn’t meant to be loved? Maybe I need to try harder? Maybe…..
The victim blames themselves. Happens. At a certain point, the trying stops and the person goes into helpless, hopeless, this-is-my-life mode. Fear of change. Guilt of leaving the significant other. Fear of society. Lots of mixed feelings.
Understand that 20 years later, none of these feelings are going to matter. None of the other people/factors you talk about, will go about with their lives. Only you and your significant other will be left with each other. What then. Think about it.
6. Hoping he/she will change
Hoping your giving and nice behavior will change them? Forget about it. People don’t change. No explanation needed.
Believe it or not, men and women are both subjected to abuse. This is not gender specific. It’s harder to believe that men go through this but it’s a fact. Remember, abuse is verbal too. Just FYI.
See, again this is a society-related bias. Let’s take a look at abuse from a gender independent point of view and make it about the person and try and help whoever needs it at the time.
I write from my heart.
I'd write even if no one was reading.
"Offending people since 1977"