Why I started Coaching
There’s a two fold equation to why I started coaching and this blog is not about me. It’s for folks who might be going through the same feeling as I or might have gone through.
I’ve always been interested in fitness since I was 16 years old and after going through a back injury and a nightmarish childhood of being bullied because of being overweight and having no father figure while growing up along with many health problems, I trained for Martial Arts and few years down the road became a Martial Arts Instructor in Bombay, India. In other words, I became a Coach when I was 21 years old. So Coaching came very naturally to me. That’s one aspect.
The second aspect – As I left India, I came to the United States for higher education and got sucked into many insecurities just like any immigrant would. The fear of losing my scholarship, fear of not getting good grades, fear of small little things that I shouldn’t have had. And that’s what usually happens to many of us when we don’t have a father figure to advise us. The fear and insecurity became a way of my life. I started over-thinking everything. Every little thing. I would feel upset because some folks would not talk with me in college because I wouldn’t drink or party with them. All I did was study, work in the food court and work as a Teaching Assistant teaching Physics in college and workout/train in the University gym. Slowly I had not many people to correlate with. I was slowly isolated from many groups. I felt upset but I couldn’t do what they wanted me to just so I could get along with them. I made a very few set of friends who’re in touch me even after 16 years. But that came slowly.
I couldn’t find a job even after 2 Masters Degrees due to severe recession in the United States and I moved back to India. Not being able to find a job brought that insecurity to a very different level. Few years later, a friend of mine helped me get a job in the United States and I migrated back here and started working. And when you start working things are different. Unlike college, things are extremely lonely. Lonely to the power “n”. I became hungry for people. Desperate. Lonely. I would talk to people and try and stay in touch and literally beg for company. I started setting expectations with people and did things so I could get some reciprocation or recognition, just to validate myself and feel that someone appreciates my presence. Obviously people could see through and felt suffocated and they left. I couldn’t figure out then but I can now and I’ll tell you why in a moment.
4-5 years went by and I started feeling very empty on the inside. The job was fine, it was all ok but there was a social void. To fill that void I stuck with 3-4 close families here where I would give, give and give and expect them to reciprocate. And when they wouldn’t reciprocate, I felt more empty. It felt like a one-way street.
During that time, I started working on fitness again after a long break even though I working out but there was no purpose. What I lacked was purpose. I didn’t have a set goal, I was just going through the movements and looked for happiness with people instead of within me. The coaching opportunity with Beachbody came by and I thought to myself, that I haven’t been able to really connect with people on my own, maybe as a Coach this might be a way for me to connect with like-minded people. I started investing my time reading books and learning about nutrition, and worked on fitness certifications. I put myself out there on YouTube and on my website and I have had people connect with me. Slowly I started feeling like I have a purpose. The noise around me started to fade. Whether people connect with me or not didn’t matter because I was doing this for me. Not for anyone else but me and only me. There was a feeling of being complete even though I wasn’t getting any reciprocity. It didn’t matter anymore. The act of doing and fulfilling my passion gave me more fulfillment and happiness than people reciprocating. Of course I faced a little of negativity in the beginning and that’s quite normal. But that noise faded. All of a sudden there was a switch, the switch from feeling fulfillment from people to feeling content with myself. Within me. Not browsing on the internet, not watching movies but within me. That was a turnaround and it wasn’t overnight.
Today when people give me respect or not, it doesn’t matter because I respect myself and the noise and their opinions hardly matter. There’s a perspective shift. I make videos, funny comic strips, and I know some people still might think what is this guy up to and laugh behind my back but it doesn’t matter because I don’t work for their approval, I do it only for me. I used to be selfish earlier, I switched to being self-caring.
They say you can’t fill from an empty cup, they say wear your oxygen mask first. The act of self-caring enables you to give unto others without expectations because your fulfillment is the act, the process itself. People feel more relaxed because they’re not under pressure to reciprocate. It’s a very complete feeling.
There was a paradigm shift from being selfishly doing to more spirituality and selflessly doing with Coaching. Finding a purpose, giving without expectations and being mentally prepared for anyone to change in a matter of seconds and not to get hurt with it because at the end of the you do it for you and only you. Don’t lie to anyone that you do it for them, no you don’t. Accept the fact that you’re doing it for you and you only and you will find completeness in the act of doing.